Thursday, February 12, 2009
Realization... but too late
Tonight after the dust settled my heart broke for my Anna. With Aser gone I have been trying very hard to stay upbeat with the kids and not trying to feel sorry for myself:) However, tonight I BLEW it! Sometimes life is crazy how difficult things can happen one after the other. These were not big things, but in the matter of an hour they felt big. I am still tired from the hospital and having kids and myself feeling under the weather so my threshold was not good. Usually Aser takes care of anything that requires any artistic ability as I am completely inept in this area. One of my children needed a Valentine box that was designed at home and that was all starting to happen as I was cleaning up from dinner, washing clothes, and starting lunches. So I did what every artistic person does and grabbed the glue gun-well lets just say... then once we got past that and some burned fingers I gave Malachi a bath and got him in bed and then he started to cough. I went into pick him up and he started to vomit everywhere and then again in the bathroom. It was all over him and more than you want to know I am sure. Well out of my mouth flew, " I just wish your daddy was here!!! ( He usually takes the cleaning of these jobs) My Anna jumped from her bed and ran and started getting warm towels and things to start cleaning. She had just had a bath and for some reason it broke my heart to see her trying to fill her daddy's shoes. It is good if I don't put this on them to carry and she just kept asking me if I was OK. I never want to put this on my children. I was touched by her love and care, but this is not her load to carry right now. I am humbled by her. Then as I was getting ready for a Valentine's class party and getting platters ready one fell and broker all over the floor right in front of her and she went into action again. I had gathered myself enough to stop her and tell her it was no big deal. Sometimes I do not think we realize how much our lives impact our kids. I have got some work to do, but I have a God who seems to find grace for me daily.