I am ashamed to admit but I have not developed one picture before today of our time getting Malachi. I have been unable to look at his adoption papers and when I have had to reference them I put them away as quickly as I can. I have not been able to understand why I have had to distant myself from the beginning of his life. I am proud of his mother and her obvious fight for him. I have such vivid memories of Ethiopia as it was two of the most wonderful weeks of my life. I have not been able to put my finger on why. I hear of moms coming back and making scrapbooks and videos and I would only download some and by no means all I had. I have had it the CDs in a pile for a year now. Until today... that all changed! We printed off of 11 CDs at Costco and am getting ready to at least put them in a album. It is still so hard for me to process all Malachi has been through and that in his short life we are his 4th and final stop. His name when we picked him up was Gifiom. This means "victim" and was given by someone other than his mother. He had a tough tough start! I love this boy so deeply and I think I can't bear the pain of admitting this has to be his story. I am coming to terms and have had time to process much of it, but I ache for all he has to accept. He is such a STRONG and GENTLE young boy that I know he will have the courage to use it for good, but still he will have to face it. And I ache! Selfish as it may be this is how I have had to handle it for 12 months. I am so excited to have been Malachi's momma for longer than he was in the care center now. I love that he calls out for me now and cries when I walk away. I love this boy! I owe his momma all of the care and strength I can impart to him. I would want her to be proud. I giggle as I see him chow spicy food, knowing this love comes from her. I often wonder as I gaze in those brown eyes that have no end if they are from her. I know that she has had to sacrifice in the greatest of way and that is why we have this amazing son now. I ache over that! So tonight was a new beginning for me as we printed off those pictures. I am facing the future with my new two year old in tow thankful to be his momma. Happy 2nd Birthday My Precious Child Who Shines Like the Sun!
4 comments:
Your Malachi is indeed a bright star!!
I know what you mean about the significance of having your child home with you longer than he was in care. When Elsa and I crossed that time boundary, it was big for me. And for us.
I know everyone says he is lucky to have you, but you and I know you are even luckier to have him. :-)
I have been trying since our return last April to assemble a scrapbook of our journey to Ethiopia and can only spend about 30 minutes at a time before I have to step away. Thanks for letting me know that I am not the only one who has trouble processing this time in our child's life. I am forever grateful that our daughter's first family loved her enough to make choices that brought her into our family but I grieve their loss, too. I am happy to hear that you are past the hurdle with the photos. My how your beautiful little man is growing!!
Jeanelle
Do you keep in touch with his mom? Maybe it would bring her some comfort to see pictures of him and know he is happy and healthy. Maybe you can someday visit her???
Enjoy the pictures :) and remember how incredible it is that God allowed your paths to cross. Your pain at his start is such an example of why you were chosen as his mom. I pray for health and lots of joy as you start this next year with Malachi. What a story he will have!
Love,
Carrie
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