Friday, March 20, 2009
Two Years Old and a Walk Down My Memory Lane
I am ashamed to admit but I have not developed one picture before today of our time getting Malachi. I have been unable to look at his adoption papers and when I have had to reference them I put them away as quickly as I can. I have not been able to understand why I have had to distant myself from the beginning of his life. I am proud of his mother and her obvious fight for him. I have such vivid memories of Ethiopia as it was two of the most wonderful weeks of my life. I have not been able to put my finger on why. I hear of moms coming back and making scrapbooks and videos and I would only download some and by no means all I had. I have had it the CDs in a pile for a year now. Until today... that all changed! We printed off of 11 CDs at Costco and am getting ready to at least put them in a album. It is still so hard for me to process all Malachi has been through and that in his short life we are his 4th and final stop. His name when we picked him up was Gifiom. This means "victim" and was given by someone other than his mother. He had a tough tough start! I love this boy so deeply and I think I can't bear the pain of admitting this has to be his story. I am coming to terms and have had time to process much of it, but I ache for all he has to accept. He is such a STRONG and GENTLE young boy that I know he will have the courage to use it for good, but still he will have to face it. And I ache! Selfish as it may be this is how I have had to handle it for 12 months. I am so excited to have been Malachi's momma for longer than he was in the care center now. I love that he calls out for me now and cries when I walk away. I love this boy! I owe his momma all of the care and strength I can impart to him. I would want her to be proud. I giggle as I see him chow spicy food, knowing this love comes from her. I often wonder as I gaze in those brown eyes that have no end if they are from her. I know that she has had to sacrifice in the greatest of way and that is why we have this amazing son now. I ache over that! So tonight was a new beginning for me as we printed off those pictures. I am facing the future with my new two year old in tow thankful to be his momma. Happy 2nd Birthday My Precious Child Who Shines Like the Sun!